Navigating Parental Emotions When Your Child Comes Out

When your child comes out as LGBTQ+, it can be a very pivotal moment for them personally and for you as a parent. It’s a step towards their authenticity and a significant milestone in their journey. As a parent, you might experience a range of emotions, from pride and relief to confusion and fear and maybe even some sadness. It’s important to recognize that all these feelings are valid. 

I have heard on a few occasions from parents and caregivers that I have worked with that they feel shamed by others when they do not respond positively right away to their child's news. As much as it's true that our response is so important to our child's journey - we need to be real and mindful of our own feelings in order to better support our child. 

Here’s why it’s completely okay to feel ALL the feels and a spectrum of emotions as well as some tips on how to move through your own process to help better support your child.

Initial Shock and Confusion

It's normal to feel surprised or even shocked when your child comes out. This revelation might not align with the future you envisioned for them. Understand that this is a common reaction and doesn’t mean you love your child any less. Give yourself time to process this new information. 

Fear for Their Safety 

Worrying about your child's safety and wellbeing is a natural parental instinct. Concerns about discrimination, bullying, or societal rejection can arise. While these fears are valid, remember that your support can significantly enhance your child’s resilience against these challenges.

Feeling of Loss

Some parents experience a sense of loss, grieving the expectations and dreams they had for their child. This is a normal part of adjusting to a new reality. Allow yourself to mourn these expectations, but also open your heart to the new and authentic life your child is embracing. This is where it really matters on how you manage this process.

It is OKAY to feel this and does not mean you are disappointed in your child, but how you process it matters. Having adults around you who can support you with this, without shame or judgements is important so you can move through this to be better able to support your child.

Guilt and Self-Reflection

You might question your past actions, wondering if you missed signs or contributed to any distress your child faced. It’s crucial to understand that your child’s journey is their own, and coming out is a step towards their personal happiness. Use this time for self-reflection and growth, rather than self-blame.

Joy and Pride

Amidst the initial whirlwind of emotions, many parents also feel immense pride and joy. Your child’s courage to live openly and authentically is a testament to their strength. Celebrate their bravery and the trust they’ve placed in you by sharing this significant part of their identity.

For a child to be able to share their authentic self, is something even us adults struggle with! Being vulnerable and sharing all parts of you with someone you trust is a crucial aspect to their future relationships.

Navigating Your Emotions: Steps to Take

Educate Yourself: Learning about LGBTQ+ identities and experiences can help demystify your child's journey and reduce fears rooted in misunderstanding.

Seek Support: Connect with other parents of LGBTQ+ children through support groups or online communities. Sharing experiences can provide comfort and insights.

Communicate Openly: Keep the lines of communication open with your child. Listen to their experiences and feelings without judgment. Your openness can strengthen your relationship.

Be Patient with Yourself: Allow yourself to experience and process your emotions. It’s okay to take time to adjust and find your footing. It's important to remember to do this with a trusting adult, so you can express all of your thoughts and feelings in order to support your child in a healthy and supportive manner.

Focus on Love: Remember that your love and support are the most critical elements in your child’s life. Emphasize your unconditional love to reassure them during this vulnerable time.

Every parent's journey when their child comes out is unique, filled with its own set of emotions and challenges. It’s important to recognize and honor your feelings, whatever they may be. By educating yourself, seeking support, and maintaining open communication, you can navigate this path with compassion and understanding. 

Remember, it’s okay to feel ALL of your feels — your emotions are part of the process, and embracing them can lead to a deeper, more supportive relationship with your child.