The 3 H’s of Stress; and How to Help Your Child Combat Harmful Stress

Almost a year and a half into this pandemic and I find myself unsure if I should be hopeful for a light at the end of the tunnel or to prepare myself for a potential fourth wave.  

Uncertainty is the way of the world lately it seems and as I have mentioned before – this is one of the factors in the perfect storm for anxiety. Uncertainty, along with a lack of sense of control and loss in so many aspects of our lives: connection with friends and family, the loss of a loved one, a job loss, and all the changes that occurred have created the perfect environment for the seed of anxiety to grow. 

Parents and caregivers are consistently coming to me for help with their children who are experiencing mental health struggles.

I think the difference I’ve noticed for many folks is that last year when school was coming to an end, we were in a kind of survival mode believing this pandemic was quite temporary, and that we simply needed to put on our fighting gear to get through it. 

This year however, coming to the end of the school year seems quite different. We are tired, we are fatigued, and we are just DONE. And this is us as adults; adults who typically have better coping and understanding of stress and stress management than our children who are newly navigating this world. 

So how can we help our children through this stressful time in the best possible way?  

First, we must understand stress and that it can be broken down into three types of stress. I call them the 3 H’s of Stress: Helpful, Helper, and Harmful stress.

Stress can be helpful for us, believe it or not! It can motivate us, help us focus, and get things done. This is the stress we experience before a test or a deadline – or, for me, I experience it most when I am having company over and I’m dashing madly to clean my house and present it well. I like this type of stress, it keeps me responsible and on task. 

Then, there is the helper stress, this is the type of stress that keeps us safe. This is when our brains are activated to get us out of the way of danger. For example, if we saw a child on the street and a car was coming – our brains would quickly and automatically send signals to our bodies to go into action (increased heart rate, heightened senses, surge of adrenaline, etc.). 

These two types of stress are not that bad for us, as they are time limited where our brains and bodies typically go back to baseline and calm down.  

The third type of stress however, the harmful stress, does not do this, unfortunately. This harmful stress comes when we are exposed to it in a chronic and extreme way; such as a pandemic that has lasted for more than a year and a half.

And this is exactly what I see rearing its ugly head in the children and teens I work with. One of the difficulties going on is that this type of stress is harder to identify and pinpoint for our youth. The condition is chronic at this point, and teens don’t understand why they would be experiencing mental health symptoms at all.

It’s just everywhere – unlike the last school year, when the pandemic was something we only had to survive, activating our helper stress – now, it has become harmful.  

When stress becomes harmful, it keeps the brain activated in an alarm response and releases stress hormones, including cortisol. This can cause long-term damage to the brain, identified in The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) study, where they studied a number of long-term difficulties from chronic and harmful stress.

So now the  question becomes – how can we help buffer the harmful stress as adults so our children and teens can get through this summer, and set them up for success in the school year ahead?

I like to fight the stress hormone cortisol with what is known as the ‘love hormone’ –oxytocin! Oxytocin is typically linked to warm, fuzzy feelings, and is shown in some research to lower stress and anxiety. One of the best ways to release this hormone is by simply cuddling or petting an animal, having a good laugh with family, playing and having fun, and lots of hugs!  

If you can make time in our busy summer schedules to do this only 10-15 minutes a day, then you will be successfully combating harmful stress, and helping your child learn how to manage and address stress in an effective way. 

So, get out there with your child to laugh, play, and enjoy the summer!